|Linna on New Year's Eve 2012.|
In the past, the New Year's resolutions I've made have all been "selfish" ones. Although I do plan to get my butt to the gym more, take it easy on over-indulging in good food and wine, and tone it down on the "potty mouth" (I'm not talking about toilet-training talk), this year I'm making a resolution to do something a little less "selfish".
I'm going to "let go".
For those of you who know me personally, you know I can be a bit of a control freak (and by a "bit", I mean I need to control everything). This wonderful attribute did not go away when we welcomed Linna into the world over a year ago. For the last 16 months, I have felt this overwhelming need to "control" everything around her. From the food she eats, to her daily routine, if it's not me in command... it's wrong. Since Linna was really little, I've found myself getting upset when Linna's grandparents or other family members give her junk food, don't put her to bed "on time", or when other people don't do things for her the way I would. I constantly feel the need to tell my husband what Linna should be wearing, what she should eat, etc., when he spends time with her. When it comes to my daughter, I need to control everything... and that is selfish.
The truth is, I am very lucky to be able to spend every day with Linna, and I'm happy to have a daily routine with her. It's also really tough for me to understand that MY WAY of doing things with Linna, isn't the ONLY WAY. Although I enjoy my "me time" away from my daughter, I have major issues leaving Linna with other people, fearing that they won't do it "right"... and by "right", I mean MY WAY.
Yes, I will always believe that "mom knows best" when it comes to my daughter, but Linna has SO many other people in her life with different experiences and perspectives. Linna's grandparents have obviously been parents before (they raised some great kids, if I do say so myself), and although we may not agree on every aspect of parenting, I know Linna is 110% safe, cared for, and loved just as much as she would be with me. The same things goes for Linna's Papa. Just because my husband might not feed Linna what I would feed her for lunch, or put her down for a nap the same way I would, that doesn't mean he's doing it "wrong"... he's just not doing it MY WAY. And that's ok.
This may seem so petty to some people, but "letting go" is a big deal for me as a first-time mom. This year, when it comes to Linna, I am starting to "let go" of always having to do things MY WAY. If Linna eats chips and cookies for breakfast one day with her grandparents, it's not going to kill her. Heck, she'll probably be happier eating that than the boring oatmeal, fruit and yogurt she gets with me every morning. If Linna doesn't have her daily nap(s) or go to bed by 8 p.m., the world will not end. She's probably having more fun staying up, spending quality time with those grandparents (who shall remain nameless - haha)! All I want to do is make what I feel are "healthy decisions" for our daughter on a regular basis, and start letting others step in and help in THEIR WAY. I'm not the only parent raising Linna, and I need to let my husband do things HIS WAY when he spends his quality time with Linna. We'll work together when it comes to the "major parenting decisions", and do it OUR WAY.
I'm making this New Year's resolution, not for myself, but for my daughter. She deserves to spend quality time with her family members that love her so much, without having Mama Saigh breathing down their necks about doing things MY WAY. It takes a village to raise a child, and without Linna's little village, she would not be the healthy, happy, 16-month-old little girl that she is today. I am so thankful to have family members that I can call on at a moment's notice, to help us with Linna.
So, here's to "letting go" in 2013. Happy New Year everyone!