Please don't belittle my feelings.

Last week, I hit a major "mommy wall". I took some time to vent about my feelings of being mentally exhausted on my blog. For me, writing is a stress-reliever, and I find therapy connecting with others after I post something people can relate to. I've always been open to any and all comments, and welcome the positive and the negative. I willingly put my life out there, and judgement is something I've subjected myself to. We're all entitled to our opinions, and I want people to feel free to make comments on my blog postings. HOWEVER, I REALLY don't appreciate when people anonymously belittle another person's feelings. 

In this case, I'm talking about myself... and my feelings.

The following chain of comments occurred after Saturday's blog post...

- Original blog post I wrote on Saturday: "Hitting a Mommy Wall"

- Two comments made by anonymous viewers (I have literally copied and pasted these comments below):


"Why don't you just feel fortunate for all that you are given, there are so many parents that are out there with kids that have life threating diseases and they are praying and waiting for a cure that will help there kids be back to normal. I think you need to take a step back and realize just how you sound? I would be embarrassed if I was your husband and reading this."

"I think you need to look outside of your world and look at other parents who have children that have passed away way too early in life, and they are wishing and suffering everyday that they could give their kid a hug and kiss everyday and now they can't. After reading your blog post about how you are tired and can't take this "lifestyle" anymore I think you need to realize how you sound and you need to look outside the bubble you live in and think about others who are suffering whether it's through death, divorce, sickness etc. you need to appreciate that your husband works his but off to give you this "gifted" lifestyle that you constantly brag about on all of your posts that you always update everyone with."


I was shocked to read these comments, belittling my emotions, and I wrote this in response to these two people who have decided to remain anonymous:


"First of all, I really appreciate when people take the time to read my blog posts, and I welcome all types of feedback, questions, etc. It's why I put my life out there for all to see. However, if you're going to take the time to make comments directed at how "ungrateful" you feel I am, the least you could do is leave your name, and not leave anonymous notes. For those who know me, they know that I am VERY grateful for all that I have. As I mention publicly in almost all of my blog posts (including this one), I am so thankful for my husband and this experience that he's given us. We are VERY blessed to be where we are today. That in no way means that I don't have problems, feelings, and emotions just like everyone else. As I wrote in this blog post, I have an amazing husband who helps me out in every way possible. But, like many moms, even with help from our husbands, we can still feel overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of being a housewife. Please DO NOT undermine any woman's role as a housewife! I take much offense to that. No matter what kind of a lifestyle people live, no person should ever feel ashamed to admit that they are feeling overwhelmed. I am so very lucky to be living where I am living, and to have what we have, but I feel very offended that you (the first two people to make comments on this post) feel the need to undermine my feelings. No, I have not experienced the loss of a child (God forbid). No, I do not have a child with a life-threatening disease (God forbid). And yes, there are many mothers out there who struggle every day to put food on the table, find jobs, etc., etc. Just as these people have their struggles, I have mine. We ALL need to count our blessings, as we ALL have so much to be thankful for, no matter how difficult we may think we have it. Just because I wasn't talking about death or illness, doesn't mean I don't have feelings. And when I wrote this blog post, I was feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and sad. Although I am very lucky to be able to stay home to raise our daughter here in Singapore, I am still away from my entire family, I am responsible for my family's well-being, and I have a LOT of responsibilities being a mother and housewife. As ANY mother will tell you, raising children is HARD WORK, and sometimes we hit a "wall". Just because this "wall" isn't death or illness, doesn't mean it's not an obstacle to overcome. Thank you Heather (Bellina's Mommy) for reading the true meaning of this blog post, and thank you for saying these words without hiding behind your computer. My heart goes out to any person dealing with struggle, no matter how "petty" others may think that struggle is. I hope no one ever feels ashamed talking about their person struggles, for fear that "anonymous people" might undermine their pain. YOU ("anonymous people") should feel ashamed for undermining the personal struggles mothers face, including THIS mother... because every woman deserving the title of "Mom" deserves some time for herself. I for one, will never be ashamed to admit it. - Melissa Saigh "Mama Saigh"


After reading my blog post himself, and seeing the comments made, my wonderful husband shocked me (he had me in tears) by writing this:


I am far from embarrassed when it comes to my wife telling me or others how she feels. If you compare our problems to those of a family dealing with health issues, financial issues, or abuse issues, our problems do not seem that severe. We understand how lucky we are and we are grateful for that. However, to discount her feelings because you feel they don’t measure up to a certain physical or emotional extreme (i.e., cancer) is very unfair and thoughtless. Missi works extremely hard as a stay at home mother and receives very limited help on a daily basis. The emotional stress created by being responsible for another human all day long is a stress I personally do not have the mental capacity for (and I would say most do not have the capacity for). In addition to raising our daughter, she also devotes significant time and effort to her blog. She is extremely dedicated to the blogs success. She is extremely passionate about letting other mothers or fathers know it’s ok to be stressed and it is ok to step away if they are upset or over-whelmed by the stresses of raising a child or running a home.

Every day you hear a new story about a school shooting or a parent/guardian abusing a child severely enough to cause death. The reasoning these individuals tend to give as to what caused their harsh actions is that they were too over-whelmed with the stresses of their situation and they didn’t have anyone to vent to. So now, when someone (Missi) does express that she has hit a wall and needs some additional support, you attack her with a surge of comments bringing to question her character. You should be shaking a finger at yourself for your lack of empathy as a fellow parent or lack of sympathy as a fellow person. 

I am proud of Missi for having the courage to let people know how she is feeling and I would only encourage this openness in the future. -AJ


I want to thank my friends, blog followers, and family for taking the time out to support me... especially my husband. I truly appreciate each and every comment I receive on my blog. I think this should serve as a reminder that we ALL deserve to be able to express our feelings and emotions, without the fear of others belittling them. Instead of putting people down for having the courage to openly talk about their feelings, maybe we should applaud them for bringing these emotions out into the open, in hopes of helping others. 

XO, 

Mama Saigh